Zoe (we have changed her name) is 20 and works for a company as a salesperson in the Center of Athens.
She says that she and her boyfriend like to plan the occasional threesome, so they regularly go to bars, clubs and anywhere they can make new friends who are open to new sexual experiences and threesomes!
"Unlike the experience of a lot of people I've heard about, we didn't have problems with jealousy," says Zoe. "The experiences were good for our relationship because they proved to us that our trust in each other was strong."
Zoe and her friend were looking unicorns, term used to describe a third person (usually a bisexual woman) who is a romantic partner with a couple, without strings attached. Although there isn't much research on the trio, it appears to be one incredibly common fantasy!
According to a study published in a well-known journal, only 13% of participants said they had had a threesome. While 64% of them said they had imagined it!
"Many of the couples who come to my office have the trio on their lists of things to discuss," says a specialist marriage and family therapist in the U.S. "If everyone is open, respectful and caring, it can go well."
But making a successful trio is difficult. For a couple accustomed to being monogamous, this new experience and the emotions associated with such an endeavor can be daunting. Finding a third person is arguably the hardest part, especially if you prefer not to connect with anyone in your immediate circle in case you don't want things to get messy.
Then searching for a unicorn is the best!
Unexpected threesome with my wife and a stranger
The scientific approach
Before you try to find a third person, it's important that you and your partner ask yourself why you want to integrate a third person into your sex life in the first place. "If it's a fantasy or a shared desire for adventure then great," says the expert psychotherapist.
But if a threesome is a last-ditch effort to fix something that's already broken, or to cheat on your partner without actually cheating on your partner, then it's a bad idea threesome! The psychotherapist suggests that "you must handle the problems in front of you, respectfully and directly. Otherwise, introducing a third party will just add an unpleasant experience to an already bad situation. You may be hurt by this process."
It's also important to note that unicorns are pretty hard to find! Bisexual women who enjoy having sex with couples definitely exist! But they are not magical creatures, they are people with their own feelings, wants and needs!
Contrary to many ugly stereotypes about bisexual women, not all bisexual women are unattached and hypersexual, nor do they actually want to be unicorns for heterosexual couples.
"I wonder how many people would do threesomes," a friend told me recently. The three people are high risk and there is always the fear of what could happen if contact is made with the wrong person (from a minor embarrassment, to the possible collapse of a relationship) can be an effective deterrent. But it doesn't – and shouldn't! – to prevent people from pursuing the so-called threesome!
An associate professor of psychology at a US University, an expert in the Sexuality and Relationship Science Lab, estimates that approximately 15% to 20% of people will have a threesome in their lifetime! But before we get into the positive stuff, remember: All too often, couples use queer spaces and events to "hunt unicorns," which makes it seem like queer people (often women) are accessories to straight people's pleasure.
The line, "Hey, my girlfriend saw you across the bar and we really like you, can we buy you a drink?" not the best approach.
"You become like a commodity, like an object. As a fantasy, the two women in particular are in very high demand," says 26-year-old queer woman Sandy. “I think being the third woman in someone else's fantasy makes you feel like you're being played. "
People looking for threesomes should not overlook their human side and should, first and foremost, respect anyone they approach. "I would suggest that people not approach a third person to enrich their relationship and use that person as a toy to explore something in their own relationship," says a scientist specializing in feminism and sexuality. Investigate your own intentions and remember this person has feelings and desires too!
How and where to find the right girl for a threesome
Now, here's how to find and ask someone for a threesome and what not to do to avoid any awkwardness.
In most cases, suggesting it to someone you know very well, such as a friend or colleague, could upset and negatively affect your relationship. Urania, 23, has sought to have fun with a friend from college, both alone and with her partner. But she warns against having sex with people who are too established in your life. "It was really nice to have someone I trusted, but not so close that it would destroy what we built together," she says.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, there is a very real security risk that comes with inviting a complete stranger into the bedroom. “When you involve a complete stranger, you don't know their history of STDs. You don't know if these people are going to try to force something on you," says the sexual health expert.
Most threesome seekers prefer the third person to be an acquaintance – someone in their social circle they know well, but not well enough that a proposal would make things awkward or awkward. Are you and your partner interested in playing with this person? And if so, has he given you any indication that he's interested in you too?
The counselor recommends gauging their interest by engaging the trio in casual conversation. Finding out would be a good place to start.
"I wouldn't approach someone who was a close friend if they hadn't flirted with me in a way," she adds. Some positive signs are touching, flirting, dancing, prolonged eye contact and compliments! And even if you have obvious signs of flirting, proceed with caution. If the behaviors and movements are too friendly, they could just be friendly and so things can get awkward for everyone!
Alexis, 26, was in this dilemma while living with his best friend Marco and his girlfriend Anna, when she started hinting at a threesome! At the end of the day, his friendship with Marco meant a lot more to him than any possible sexual act. "I don't think it would be a good idea to have a threesome with the guy who will probably be the best man at your wedding," says Alexis.
If the signs are clear, the consultant recommends keeping the approach simple. "I just have this desire," it's clear without putting on too much stress. Another more formal approach could be: “Would you be interested in joining my partner and I in a threesome? Absolutely no pressure, we just think it could be a fun phase where we all have a good time." If they don't like it, just let it go and move on. But if so? Mission accomplished.
Networking applications
Looking for strangers on threesome dating apps! Just as you would with any dating app use, be smart.
Remember: It's important to talk about boundaries and STDs before you get involved. The counselor recommends "taking time to discuss, communicate, talk about boundaries, what's acceptable and what's not." This applies to any sexual partner(s), whether it's a one-time hookup or someone you're dating.
If you're turning to mainstream apps like Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge, it's important to be clear up front about what you're looking for in your resume to avoid anything that doesn't interest you. You may also want to try apps like Feeld, which is specifically designed for polygamists, as well as those with more selective options like OkCupid. The consultant personally recommends Feeld because it allows users to match their profiles. That way, people know exactly who they match with!
"Treat the search for a third party as you would any other partner, who is a person to share time and experiences with," says the adviser. It might be best to just say you're looking for a partner for a threesome and include hobbies and interests to attract the person on the other side of the screen. "Assume that the other person is a human being who has complex needs and wants and wants to be wanted," because he is.
Sandy appreciates the progressive nature of using Feeld. "The design of the app encourages you to be very specific about your interests," he says. "While that doesn't necessarily create more trust, at least there's more transparency and you can make more confident decisions that way."
Threesome with my girlfriend and an escort in Athens
Swingers club
For those who like to meet more in groups, then there are the events for swingers! Many amorous people and people in open relationships are suitable. This way you'll meet other like-minded people — but make sure you don't completely stray from the fundamentals you've set.
And don't hang out in spaces with queer people unless you're both members of that community or have something in common.
Non-queer couples are more than welcome at sex clubs and swingers events. (Some well-known sex clubs include SNCTM and Hacienda. Both are members-only and applicants go through a thorough screening process, so safety is a top priority.) The counselor suggests going in with the mindset of enjoying the night and don't put too much pressure on yourself to find someone. "You won't go shopping," she says. Just try where the night will take you!
Of course, meeting sexy strangers is always exciting, but make sure the contact is rewarding. Sandy describes feeling prey when couples only see her as a potential threesome rather than as a person.
Now that you've learned the basics, remember: Finding the right person can take time. The people you're interested in may not be right for you for a variety of reasons and you may have nothing to do with it.
"Rejection isn't the worst thing in the world!" says the counselor. "We have to embrace our yeses and our nos. If you get a no, everyone feels a little uncomfortable.
Luxury escorts
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