Zoe (we have changed her name) is 20 and works in a company as a saleswoman in the centre of Athens.
She says she and her boyfriend like to plan to have the occasional threesome, so they regularly go to bars, clubs and anywhere they can make new friends who are open to new sexual experiences and threesomes!
"Unlike the experience of many people I've heard about, we haven't had any problems with jealousy," says Zoe. "The experiences were good for our relationship because they proved to us that our trust in each other was strong."
Zoe and her boyfriend were looking unicorns, a term used to describe a third person (usually a third party). bisexual woman) who is an erotic partner with a couple, with no strings attached. Although there is not much research on the threesome, it seems to be a incredibly ordinary fantasy!
According to a study published in a well-known journal, only 13% of the participants said they had had a threesome. While 64% of them said they had fantasized about it!
"Many of the couples who come to my office have the threesome on their lists of things to talk about," says a marriage and family therapist in the U.S. "If everyone is open, respectful and caring, it can go well."
But making a successful trio is difficult. For a couple used to being monogamous, this new experience and the emotions associated with such an endeavor can be daunting. Finding a third person is undoubtedly the hardest part, especially if you prefer not to connect with anyone in your own immediate circle in case you don't want to mess things up.
Then the search for a unicorn is the best!
Unexpected threesome with my wife and a stranger
The scientific approach
Before you try to find a third person, it is important for you and your partner to ask yourself why you want to integrate a third person into your sex life in the first place. "If it's a fantasy or a shared desire for adventure then very well," says the expert psychotherapist.
But if a threesome is a last ditch effort to fix something that's already broken or to cheat on your partner without actually cheating on your partner, then it's a bad idea to have a threesome. threesome! The psychotherapist suggests that "you must handle the problems you face with respect and directly. Otherwise, introducing a third party will only involve adding an unpleasant experience to an already bad situation. You will probably be hurt by this process."
It is also important to note that unicorns are quite hard to find! Bisexual women who enjoy having sex with couples definitely exist! But they are not magical creatures, they are human beings with their own feelings, desires and needs!
Contrary to many ugly stereotypes about bisexual women, not all bisexual women are promiscuous and hypersexual, nor do they actually want to be unicorns for heterosexual couples.
"I wonder how many people would have a threesome," a friend recently told me. Threesomes are high risk and there is always the fear of what could happen if contact with the wrong person (from a little awkwardness, to the possible breakdown of a relationship) can be an effective deterrent. But it can't - and shouldn't! - prevent people from pursuing the so-called threesome!
An associate professor of psychology at a US university, a Sexuality and Relationship Science Lab expert, estimates that about 15% to 20% of people will have a threesome in their lifetime! But before we get to the positive stuff, remember: Too often, couples use queer venues and events for "unicorn hunting," which seems like queer people (often women) are accessories to straight people's pleasure.
The line, "Hi, my girlfriend saw you from across the bar and we really like you, can we buy you a drink?" is not the best approach.
"You become like a commodity, like an object. As a fantasy, especially the two women are very much in demand," says Sandy, a 26-year-old queer woman. "I think being the third woman in someone else's fantasy makes you feel like you're being played with. "
Threesome seekers should not overlook their human side and should, first and foremost, respect anyone they approach. "I would suggest that people not approach a third person to enrich their relationship and use that person as a toy to explore something in their own relationship," says a scientist specializing in feminism and sexuality. Explore your own intentions and remember that this person also has feelings and desires!
How and where to find the right girl for a threesome
Now, see how you can find and ask someone to have a threesome and what not to do to avoid any awkwardness.
In most cases, suggesting it to someone you know very well, such as a friend or colleague, could upset and negatively affect your relationship. Urania, 23, has sought to have a good time with a friend from college, both when she is alone and with her partner. But she warns against having sex with people who are too entrenched in your life. "It was really nice to have someone I trusted, but not so close that it would destroy what we built together," she says.
At the opposite end of the spectrum, there is a very real security risk that comes with inviting a complete stranger into the bedroom. "When you involve a completely unknown third party, you don't know their history of STDs. You don't know if these people are going to try to force something on you," says the sexual health expert.
Most threesome seekers prefer the third person to be an acquaintance - someone in their social circle who they know well, but not well enough for a proposal to make things awkward or uncomfortable. Are you and your partner interested in playing with this person? And if so, has he or she given you any indication that they are interested in you as well?
The counselor recommends gauging their interest by bringing the trio into a casual conversation. Finding out would be a good place to start.
"I wouldn't approach someone who was a close friend if they hadn't flirted with me in a way," he adds. Some positive signs are touching, flirting, dancing, prolonged eye contact and compliments! And even if you have obvious signs of flirting, proceed with caution. If the attitudes and gestures are too friendly, they could just be friendly and so things can get awkward for everyone!
Alexis, 26, was in this predicament while living with his best friend Marko and his girlfriend Anna, when she started hinting at a threesome! At the end of the day, his friendship with Marko meant much more to him than any possible sexual act. "I don't think it would be a good idea to have a threesome with the man who will probably be the best man at your wedding," Alexis says.
If the signs are clear, the consultant recommends keeping the approach simple. "I just have this desire," is clear without exerting undue stress. Another more formal approach might be: "Would you be interested in joining my partner and me in a threesome? Absolutely no pressure, we just think it could be a fun phase that we can all have a good time." If they don't like it, just let it go and move on. But what if they do? Mission accomplished.
Networking applications
Seeking strangers on trio dating apps! Just like you would with any use on dating apps, be smart.
Remember: It is important to talk about boundaries and STDs before you get involved. The counselor recommends "taking time to discuss, communicate, talk about boundaries, what is acceptable and what is not." This applies to any sexual partner(s), whether it's a one-off connection or someone you are dating.
If you're turning to mainstream apps like Tinder, Bumble and Hinge, it's important to be clear beforehand about what you're looking for by mentioning it in your CV to avoid anything you're not interested in. You may also want to try apps like Feeld, which is specifically designed for polygamists, as well as those with more selectivity options like OkCupid. The counselor personally recommends Feeld because it allows users to match their profiles. That way, people know exactly who they are matched with!
"Treat the search for a third party as you would any other partner, who is a human being to share time and experiences with," says the counsellor. It may be best to simply say you're looking for a threesome partner and include hobbies and interests to attract the person on the other side of the screen. "Assume that the other person is a person who has complex needs and desires and wants to be wanted," because they are.
Sandy appreciates the progressiveness of using Feeld. "The design of the app encourages you to be very analytical about your interests," she says. "While this doesn't necessarily create more trust, at least there is more transparency and you can make more confident decisions that way."
Trio with my girlfriend and an escort in Athens
swingers club
For those who like to meet in a more group setting, then there are the events for swingers! Many erotic people and people with open relationships are suitable. So you will meet other people, like-minded people - but make sure you don't go completely off the basic principles you have set.
And don't go out in places with queer people unless you are both part of that community or have nothing in common.
Non-queer couples are more than welcome at sex clubs and swingers events. (Some well-known sex clubs include SNCTM and Hacienda. Both are members-only and applicants go through a thorough vetting process, so safety is a top priority.) The counselor suggests going in with the mindset of enjoying the night and not putting too much pressure on yourself to find someone. "You're not going shopping," he says. Just try where the night will take you!
Of course, meeting sexy strangers is always exciting, but make sure the contact is rewarding. Sandy describes feeling preyed upon when couples only see her as a potential threesome and not as a human being.
Now that you have learned the basics, remember: Finding the right person can take time. The people you're interested in may not be the right fit for a variety of reasons, and you may not have anything to do with it.
"Rejection is not the worst thing in the world!" says the counsellor. "We need to embrace our yeses and our nos. If you get a no, everyone feels a little uncomfortable.
Luxury escorts
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